Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I Have Confidence (not)

This has come up several times over the past week and I'm a bit surprised. I struggle with confidence. That's not the surprise. The surprise is that some people I know were surprised to learn that about me. Apparently I hide it well (I can only hope it doesn't come across as arrogance or something unsightly like that).

The truth is, I don't know if I've ever felt fully confident about anything. Even things I enjoy, or things I might do relatively well, I'm so hard on myself, I see the flaws and tear it to shreds (sometimes literally). With any job I've ever had, I get so nervous that they'll find out I actually don't know what I'm doing, that they'll give me duties that don't click in my brain. I'm not the only one that does this right?

I met with an old boss yesterday, and he asked me to come back. He kept talking me up, about how no one who came after me could compare, blah blah blah. I finally said, "You're making me nervous, because I feel like you got the wrong impression of the quality of my work..." Like I fooled him somehow. He laughed but I was serious.

Lately on my blog here, I've tried to have a positive outlook for this new year, and that's hidden my fear that I will fail, that I'm not good enough. It takes great effort to be positive, but I want to encourage all of you, and in the process, I need to keep talking myself into being more confident. Because I want to believe that I can do things I set my mind to. I want us all to believe it.

Anyone else struggle with confidence? What do you do to overcome doubts in your abilities?


  1. i have the same issues, except i don't hide it well. it drives me nuts about myself but i just can't help it.... i heard it has something to do with the way you're brought up. i think for me, that's really true.

  2. I don't believe there's a writer out there that doesn't struggle with confidence at some point. What I have learned, and come to accept, is that we are the worst judge of our own abilities. Listen to your ex-boss, and the others! :)

  3. it's always a struggle. For me, anyway.

    1. It's natural for everyone to struggle with confidence. It's the biggest problem when it prevents us from acting, I think. Some lack of it can even be twisted in our benefit; it can push us to disprove our fears, which I know you can do!

  4. Ha, I struggle with confidence pretty much daily! Writing can be wonderfully uplifting and thoroughly disheartening all at the same time. Keeping a positive outlook, even when you really don't want to, helps. Good luck!

  5. We all struggle. But no is expected to be perfect. If we're doing our best, that's what matters.
    And I handle it by blindly plunging forward and not thinking about it!!

  6. Girl, please. Aren't we all insecure basketcases on the inside? I believe so. At least you're good at hiding it :-)

  7. Oh, I can relate to this, my friend! Absolutely. You're not alone at all. I think that's why it's relatively easy for me to move on after rejections ... I think underneath I never believe I'm really going to succeed or that what I'm doing is quite good enough. Yes, we all need an extra shot of confidence, I think!

  8. i have good confidence. I don't know why and sometimes it probably comes off as arrogance, but i don't really care.
    Just keep up your positive thoughts. If you force yourself to stay positive, sooner or later it becomes a habbit, and then sooner or later it just becomes your nature